Letting Go, Mixed Emotions, and Saying Goodbye

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I’m writing this post as I am riding in the passenger seat of my car. My boyfriend and I have left LA and are on our way to our first stop Kanab, UT. I can’t believe I actually made it!

These last couple of weeks have been trying to say the least.

When I would travel before, I always had a home to come back to, but this time it’s different.

Before I could leave everything I didn’t need to travel at my house. When you’re only gone around a month, it makes sense. Now since I’m not sure when or even if I’ll be coming back, I can’t justify the extra expense of storing my belongings.

It was time for a big purge!

yard sale

 

Letting go

I’m not going to lie, sorting through everything I’ve accumulated over the last 15 years was really tough. I wouldn’t say I’m a hoarder, but there are some tendencies in me to hold on to things.

Being a sentimental person makes it really difficult to make the decision to let go. If a loved one gave it to me, I was going to keep it….even if I didn’t like it. For some reason I felt like I was doing the person wrong by getting rid of a gift they probably don’t even remember giving me.

Then there’s all the other stuff I’ve acquired. Beauty products, art and sewing supplies, and the biggest one of all……..my wardrobe!

Let me just start by saying, “I LOVE CLOTHES!!!” I pulled out 4 large trash bags full of clothes to donate and still ended up with 3 bags to take with me. Of course I know I can’t take it all when I leave the US, but I need to know the option is there. It’s a sickness, I know.

By the end of all the sorting, I realized how much unnecessary stuff I had lying around. There were things I hadn’t used in years, but for some reason I justified holding on to it in the rare case I might need it. I even found multiple items with the price tags perfectly intact!

I don’t even want to think about how much money I have wasted over the years.

Learning to let go of material possessions is quite liberating. I don’t have to worry about anything happening to all my stuff. Like they say, ‘Less is more.’

Now that I’ve seen the excess right in front of my face, I’ve promised myself to be more aware of what I am purchasing. I won’t let things build up like that ever again.

hourglass

 

Managing Time

I like to think that I am pretty good when it comes to time management, but I realize now that I might have to rethink this.

I was racing the clock this time. Thank goodness for my amazing friends who helped me out. Without them, I would have had to cancel my time at Best Friends Animal Society and would probably still be in LA right now.

Poor choices were made, and I ended up spreading myself way too thin. By the time the last week rolled around, I was so tired I couldn’t even focus on packing.

Saving up money was top of my list, so I took a job that consumed a large chunk of time. This didn’t leave me barely anytime to sort and pack.

One of my friends warned me to allot way more time than I thought I would need. I did not heed her warning and my health and sanity suffered for it. This mistake will not be made again.

mixed emotions

 

Going Through Mixed Emotions

The decision to leave LA was made a while ago, but the reality of what that really meant didn’t fully hit me until the very end.

I’m leaving behind all the people and places I have loved for the last 1/3 of my life.

My favorite restaurants. My career. Some of my closest friends. Everything that has made my life comfortable.

Thoughts of doubt started to creep in. Am I being too hasty? Will I be able to find work on the road? Am I risking losing everything I’ve worked for in my career?

I started telling myself to stay. It’s comfortable in LA, and I know it works for me. Why leave that?

I have had plenty of internal battles between my adventurous side and my practical side on whether to stay or go.

The fact is I’ve made a decision, and I’m sticking with it. I cannot live with the thought of what if for the rest of my life.

No matter what happens, at least I can say I tried.

 

Saying Goodbye is the Hardest Part

I have been very blessed with a standout group of friends. Not living in the same city as them is a hard reality to grasp. Even if we didn’t see each other for a couple months, it was still comforting knowing they were there.

My roommate and I have lived together for my entire 11 years in LA and have known each other since my freshmen year of college.

He has introduced me to so many wonderful people and places. We’ve had some crazy experiences together, and he has made me laugh the entire time.

This morning we hugged each other for the last time as roommates. I know we will see each other again, but it’s hard to leave someone that has been so present for so long. He will always have a permanent place in my heart.

I also had to say goodbye to one of my best girlfriends. She has also been a big presence in my life and has been there for me every time. Again I know that our paths will cross someday, but not knowing when that may be is hard to accept.

Talks between my friends and I about meeting up somewhere out in the world have been happening nonstop since I made the choice to leave. Will it happen? I can’t say, but I’ll keep pushing for it.

 

My heartstrings have been pulled in more ways than one these past few weeks. I have run through the gamut of emotions and am now more content with my decision. Who knows what the future brings. That’s what makes it exciting!

I’m done with being scared. Now is the time to get things started!!!

 

 

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